That Awkward Moment You Realise You’re a Chelsea Fan…

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That dark day has arisen which no Manchester United fan thought would happen.  A moment so appalling to think of it makes you sick to even consider it, but one must consider it with the chances of actually winning the league about as likely as Wayne Rooney turning down a trip to Greggs.  Yes that moment I am talking about is when you realise that you have now become a Chelsea fan.

Now we all know that Chelsea gain new fans every day, in fact did anyone support Chelsea before 2003?  It’s highly doubtful, and it is for that reason that everything to do with Chelsea is wrong.  If it was not for Abramovich, Chelsea would more than likely have followed the direction of Leeds United and plummeted down the tables.  However with their sugar daddy on hand, Chelsea turned financial distress into financial bliss and a number of trophies to boot.
That is the first thing I hate about Chelsea, their position in the league is not equivalent to where they should actually be.  Chelsea are a smaller team than Newcastle, Tottenham and Aston Villa (to name a few), yet have found themselves winning or challenging for the league over the last ten years.
I’m not going to go and count how much money Chelsea have spent on wages or transfers since they became Chelski, but to quantify it some way I would describe it as shit loads, and that is the second thing I hate about Chelsea.  Yes Chelsea bought each of their league titles, any of their cups and that Champions League they lucked in to.  Chelsea’s dealings in the transfer market are largely at fault for the inflation of prices in both players wages and transfer fees over the last ten years.  The Chelsea model is everything that is wrong with football and it is the reason that you can’t do anything but despise them and their late comer fans.  A lot of ignorant people will come away with things such as ‘Utd have always bought the league’, but if you knew anything about football or finances (or football finances) you would know that that is not actually the case.  Utd have always spent within their limits and continue to do so when so many others around them splash the cash on great players like Javi Garcia…
The third thing I hate about Chelsea is their fans.  Yes not only do I think that clubs from London tend to have shit fans anyway who know little to nothing about football, it is not that which I truly hate about Chelsea fans.  No instead the thing I hate about Chelsea fans is how every single one of them seems to have supported the club ‘before the money’……..Seriously?  If you’re a bandwagoner (and most of them are) then just admit to it, don’t pretend that you’ve always supported the club.  You never used to see Chelsea tops being worn, now you see them all the time.  Why is that?  It is because people bandwagon onto a successful team.  I hate when I talk to a 10 year old Chelsea fan who then proclaims to me that he ‘supported the club before the money’, which if you can count to ten (use your fingers) you will realise that he must’ve came here in a time machine or is a wizard or something.  yes it seems that every Chelsea fan supported the club before the money came in even though everyone knows that that isn’t actually true.  I’m not saying that Chelsea don’t have actual fans and every top club has a level of bandwagoning (how ya doin City?) but Chelsea would have been lucky to boast of a support of 250,000 fifteen years ago, so come on Chelsea ‘fans’ stop pretending and tell the truth that you only really started supporting the club after the money and success arrived.
The fourth reason I hate Chelsea is the players.  God does any club on the planet have more dislikeable players than Chelsea?  I mean we’ve got John ‘the racist shags your bird behind your back guy’ Terry, Ashley ‘shoots interns and cheats on his wife’ Cole and John Obi ‘that ref’s a racist because he booked me’ Mikel to name just a few.  Yes it would be difficult to throw together a more dislikeable group of fellows but yet Chelsea somehow managed to make it worse by also being managed by Jose ‘I poke you in eye’ Mourinho.
So I know what you’re wondering, you’re wondering if I miss typed the headline and it was actually meant to read ‘Reasons Why I Hate Chelsea’, and although I’ve had fun giving a selection of those reasons, I do find my self in that awkward position of now having to support a team which I despise.
You see we are about two thirds of the way through the season and you could probably still argue that five teams could win the league.  Those five teams would be City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool and Spurs.  Now my first problem there is that the first four teams are my four least favourite teams in the league, my second problem is that the team which I could genuinely support get a nose bleed whenever they get even close to the top of the table.  So why is it Chelsea?  It’s a fair question, after all I’ve just went on about how Chelsea are everything which is wrong with football, and to answer that you need to evaluate the other three teams.
Man City are my least favourite team on the planet and are like a more ignorant version of Chelsea in every way.  They spend more, their fans are worse, their players are dislikeable and they are totally out of their depth in terms of league standing.  Yes City are the be all and end all of what is currently wrong with football.  It is funny to think that not that long ago I didn’t care about City at all, yes their fans were still some of the most ignorant on the planet but they were a meaningless mid table (or lower league) team, a team which had dreaded wee man syndrome, and we all know that there is nothing worse than giving a wee man who has wee man syndrome power and success because it goes straight to their head.
Yet oddly enough after all my comments City are not the team which I want to see win the league the least, that team is Liverpool.  Why is that I hear you craw, well it is pretty simple; Liverpool are a team which is stuck in the 80’s and seem to think that fluking a Champions League win against AC Milan is the most significant moment of the last twenty years of English football.  So imagine if they actually went on to win the Premier League for the first time ever, they would be insufferable.  Yes the smugness which Liverpool fans would show would be the worse possible outcome of this seasons Premier League.
So why not Arsenal?  It’s a fair question but the answer is pretty simple, they’re not good enough to win the league.  They showed it against Liverpool and then showed it again against Utd (who can’t score against them?), Arsenal are beginning to drop off and will have to be careful that they don’t slip out of the top four, never mind win the league.
That leaves only one, the unthinkable situation where you discover that Chelsea are your best option of not being totally disgusted with the season outcome.  It’s hard for me to say because I don’t like Chelsea (as may be evident from this post) and I adamantly predicted pre-season that they wouldn’t win the league, but what else can one do?  You have three awful situations which you don’t want to see happen (being shot, getting stabbed or getting kicked in the nuts), but you know one has to happen, so you decide to take the kick in the nuts because you know that probably won’t kill you whereas the other two might.  That’s right Chelsea are a kick in the nuts, but when you sit seventh in the table you can’t really be too picky, can you?
So leave a comment about why you hate teams in the Premier League and maybe about who you want to win the league, either way I’ll be crying as I think about (insert any Utd game this season).  Plus find all the latest bm23sportsreviews updates on Facebook and Twitter.
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Author: bm23reviews

I watch TV and sports then write stuff.....that's about it.

29 thoughts on “That Awkward Moment You Realise You’re a Chelsea Fan…”

  1. why you may feel justified to write off arsenal now, arsenal is second and titles are not always decided by a bad or good result.

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  2. I would take all of this seriously if it came from a fan of a small team but from a Man Utd fan? Really? Anyway I agree that a lot of the fans joined after the money, but for those of them who are under 20 years old or so I don’t really see what the problem is. You pick a team when you are a kid based on any random reason, one of the strogest ones being based on success. Do you think all your Asian supportes support Man Utd for a different reason?

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    1. I agree with your comment about being a kid, I’ve always supported Man Utd, I don’t know anything else. It is more the amount of adults who you now see are all of a sudden Chelsea fans when 10 years ago they were rare at best.

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    1. I thought if we beat Arsenal on Wednesday then we would have finished above them; now you look at it and Utd are 11 behind Liverpool and 14 behind Arsenal, it’s a massive ask with only 12 games left and would require a collapse of Newcastle proportions to get it done. Utd have 12 games left and at worst I think they can win 11 and draw 1, I can’t see this Utd side doing that despite the fact that on paper they are still a quality side.

      The more interesting question is will UEFA actually implement the Financial Fair Play rules properly? If the answer is yes then City will not play in Europe next year, so can Utd finish 5th?

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  3. It’s great to finally read a non-United article on this site (because seriously, who wants to read about a mid-table team anyway?), especially if it bashes Chelski, and their sub-human scum fans. I’ve been involved with my football club for 25 years(full of Brits) and there’s only one guy who can claim to be a genuine Blues fan(nice bloke too). Ive hated Chelsea well before they had money, as the likes of Dennis Wise, Vinnie Jones, Le Saux & Petrescu were characters that were so easy to loathe. 

    However, don’t you find it somewhat hypocritical to label Chelsea having the most unlikable players, considering some of the thugs United have had in the past (and present)? 

    Rooney – great footballer, but a hot head, cost England a chance of going through in Euro 2008 by kicking a Portugal player in the nuts off the ball. Always a liability.. 

    Keane – one of the dirtiest players in PL history. Intentionally broke a city players leg, thus ending his career. To this day has still shown no remorse for his actions. The fact he thinks Clough was the best manager he ever played under says a lot about the type of person he is. 

    Scholes- another united great but must have had just as many bookings as goals scored, red headed thug..

    Cantona – kicked an opposition supporter. Not to mention he’d already been sent off! Nuff said..

    Giggs – you go on about John Terry, fair enough. But the most successful United player could have had 10 different women at the same time during most of his successful, trophy-laden career. And who does he secretly shack up with whilst this is going on? His brothers wife!! Welsh twat!!

    And most United fans think that other supporters solely despise them because of their success! Laughable to say the least… 

    And as for London teams having shit fans? Kind of ironic considering there’s more United fans living in London than there are in Manchester don’t you think?

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    1. Every club has dislikeable players, it is more that Chelsea seem to have a never ending stream of dislikeable players. Plus I don’t think Giggs and Scholes are dislikeable, but hey maybe that’s just me.

      I liked your last point, but hey not all your fans can be good ones, can they?

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    1. The same David Moyes who is in the top five of Premier League points totals scored despite only recently receiving a top job? It hasn’t been a good first year but the man did wonders at Everton, and anyone who thinks otherwise is in denial.

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      1. He took a team which was always at the wrong end of the table and stabilised them. Plus everton have scored as many points this season as they did last year at the same point. I like martinez but hes doing similar to what moyes did last year but with a much better team, not that you’d know that by listening to the media.

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  4. The only reason Martinez had a better team is because he was smart in the transfer market. And stabilizing a team of Evertons stature isnt exactly working wonders is it? Fulham and Middlesbrough played a European cup final. When did Moyes ckme close to on anything like that?

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    1. Was martinez that smart in the transfer window? All his actual signings have been at best average (most have been poor) and all the players who have made a big impact that he signed are on loan. You say stablising a team of evertons standards isnt working wonders yet prior to moyes arriving everton were more likely to be relegated than make a european place. Your european comment is silly because there are several bigger teams than boro and fulham who haven’t been to a european cup final in the last 10 years, not just everton.

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      1. Getting good players on loan is of course being smart. Lukaku for example was a great move. But if you don’t think so then why do you say he’s got a better squad to work with than Moyes?

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      2. I think it depends how you use the loan system, loans are like plasters, they’re good on the short term but maybe what you actually need is stitches. Everton regularly field 3 loan signees in their first team, thats great this year but it isn’t going to do them any good next year. Getting a good player on loan is good business, it isn’t smart long term business though. However despite all that I have said, everton have a much bettter squad this year than last.

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  5. Hate Chelsea for all you care, it doesn’t change the fact that we’re gonna win the league this season, probably cap that with a double, defend the title next season, keep being successful whilst Manyoo keep battling it out with the likes of Everton and Arsenal for a fourth place finish.

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